The Divine Ms Em

The Rupe Ranch

Enough is enough! We as a community need to make a stand against a very real problem in our
society. I demand we put an end to irresponsible, backyard, human breeding programs. Recently, an influx of specimens from such operations has sauntered into my door; rude, obnoxious and always with a severely neglected hostage in tow. I can’t help but cringe with horror as I rescue their flea infested and pelted pal; thinking to myself, “Someone procreated with that! Do we have no species standards?!” Enraged, I’ve decided to do my part to end this epidemic of less than stellar examples of the human race overtaking society. I’ve developed my own man-child kennel, affectionately called The Rupe Ranch, so that those seeking a man-child can at least practice responsible pet ownership.

The Rupe Ranch sits on approximately 5 acres in rural Florida, giving our man-children plenty of room to roam and play. The kennel is kept to the highest standard of cleanliness, as you’ll notice no odors of gym socks, cigars or Brut. Each man-child comes fully vaccinated and micro chipped (incase for some unfortunate reason they go missing at an inopportune moment, such as visiting the in-laws or cleaning the house). We have both man-children in both procreation and pet quality, in a wide variety of colors and sizes, so there is truly a man-child out there perfect for all lifestyles and preferences. Those sold has pets have been neutered, as to insure betterment of the breed standard.

We encourage prospective owners to come by the ranch and visit the man-children in our play area.
Our play area has a wide variety of toys and stimulus, such as X-box and TVs (with ESPN, SPEED Vision or Jackie Chan movies playing), so that the man-children can exhaust their energies in a more positive manner rather than destructive and undesirable behaviors. It also, allows you, the prospective owner to see each’s personality and bond with your future pet. An active man-child does best in an equally active household, thus if you’re an apartment dweller or have a job that demands most of your time and attention an older, already trained, more submissive man-child may be a better fit.

Please keep in mind that whether or not you purchase your next man-child from the Rupe Ranch, be sure to only seek man-children from a responsible breeder and thoroughly research the man-child you are considering procreating with. The rest of the human race will appreciate it!

The Nip, Tuck and Suck Butt- Pet Styles to Make You Smile

The trim was named by the client that requested it. Basically, as she put it., “ I want my Beauty to look like she’s got a pair of tooshie firming jeans. At least one of us should have a nice bum.” Of course I chuckled at her comment and thought about the legendary Ms Dolly Parton’s saying, “If I can I’m going to nip, tuck and suck it back into place.”

 

All joking aside Beauty’s mom and my other clients that like a tight rear often do it for practical purposes. Normally the pet either gets potty stuck on itself regularly or they aren’t great about brushing causing the undercoat to become packed.

Now there are 2 ways to achieve the firm buns; spend ample time scissoring the entire thing or my favorite and cheater way, use an E comb attachment first to knock it down a bit. Once I’ve knocked it back I then scissor and blend into the main coat or to remove any clipper marks. Ta-dah we have a Nip, Tuck, Suck Butt in a snap.

I also employ this technique with clients that want a tight silhouette on an over grown pet. I run the E comb down the chest and lightly skim the lower part of the rib cage to the underside. Once again then blend. And scissor to polish the look.

Dear Cesar's Westie

 

Dear Cesar’s Westie:

I write this letter on behalf of groomers across America. While your company produces a fine product that our grooming clients enjoy, we do have one main grievance that needs to be resolved. We curse you for your highly effective marketing scheme. For plastered on each product is a highly suspect image of yourself (with possible airbrushing or Photoshop) that grooming clients find themselves infatuated with. Of course, those clients that own a West Highland White or something that resembles it (if intoxicated) appear to be more susceptible to your witchcraft.

When consulting these owners, inevitably they procure your product as a visual aid. With the aid
comes an unattainable dream that their pet has the potential to look the same as “The Cesar Westie”. Despite imparting that you’re a remarkable animal, close if not perfect to breed standard, and a devout believer in hair spray, these victims of your marketing simply refuse to face the truth. Their pet is NOT the Cesar westie and nothing sort of a miracle would be required to attain the look. Your adorable façade requires acertain coat type, build and genetic makeup that their pet lacks. Due to your product our clients are requesting that we turn Escort into a Ferrari.

As groomers, we plead that you stop promoting this image and the unattainable dreams it procures.
Instead, why not pick a more universal icon? Perhaps a shih tzu with a short trim and a round head or a toy poodle with a clean face and feet….something groomers can easy reproduce. As unappreciated
artists, there are enough day to day struggles without the addition of your marketing. Please ease our burden and re-evaluate your image.

 

Sincerely,

Emily Rupe

PS. It appears that your marketing is so effective in brainwashing clients that the belief Cesar’s is special “Westie” food has spread. For almost all the clients requesting your likeness feed their pets your product in hopes that your good looks may be imparted.

The Organized Dust Mop- Pet Style to Make You Smile

How many times do you hear, “I’d like my dog kind of messy but neat”? Each time I hear it, I fight the urge to replay that I’d love to eat ice cream and pizza all day and not gain weight, but that’s just not in the cards. However, my desire to please my clients trumps the sarcasm , so I bite my tongue and formulate a plan.

After several attempts with different breeds I’ve come up with my “Organized Dust-mop.” I use it on wiry coated doodles, Maltese, full coat Havanese and even a few good ole Heinz 57 mutts. It truly as been a Godsend.

With this style no prep work is required. Take the pup straight to the tub and proceed to bathe as normal. Here comes the unconventional aspect, DO NOT dry the coat. Lightly towel dry and then it’s time to wet shave. When wet shaving the comb attachment or blade used leaves about one to two sizes longer than when used on a dry coat. So 2 comb wet leaves a coat length more akin to a 0 comb dry. With the doodle pictured on the previous page I usually implement an E comb wet.

Then once the coat has been clipped, then proceed to dry as usual. Once dry I DO NOT make a second pass with the clippers. We want to coat to have a soft natural appearance. If you make a second pass then it makes it too neat.

To tame some of the coat, scissor the outline with thinning shears. I have often joked that I take off my glasses to finish the pet so I don’t over kill with the scissor work. You wan to give the body a general shape, but not too stylized.

The face is done in a similar manner. I normally ONLY use thinners, so the coat looks natural. Clean out the area in front of the eyes and trim the visor. The trim on the rest of the head is determined by owner preference and breed. For the Maltese pictured below, Mom wants to retain a puppy-esque look so the crown is left fluffy and a little wild and the area under the chin is rounded using the thinning shears.

For Bella the doodle, I take an E comb and run it with the grain over the top of the skull. Then I take the same comb attachment and run it with and against the grain on the sides of her face (leave the muzzle area untouched) and under the chin. I then blend and shape with my chunkers and thinners.

 

Death by Chocolate

It was a typical December Saturday morning for Ms Daisy and me. She faithfully awaited me while I hobbled around the house attempting to wake up and gather energy to face my day. Instinctively, I brewed a pot of coffee and flipped on the local news. As customary, the stories were predominately bleak and tragic; an innocent bystander shot here, the economy continuing to plummet and the weather was to be cold and dreary for at least 3 more days. Basically it sucked the holiday cheer right out of me. All this pleasant “news” and more forced me to turn off my TV and find sanctuary in work and my dear Ms Daisy.

Today a new client was on the books. A dear woman who had been recommended to us by her holistic vet, since one of her two toy poodles was repeatedly being clipper burned. The client requested her babies short with the traditional clean face and feet, (of course the sensitive
one has to have the clean face scissored in) so it seemed that the day would be fairly uneventful and rather simple. Her home was located in a typical middle income area of town. The sea of Florida tract housing, each stucco covered edifice the same as the last. Of course there was a community gate, that imparted a sense of security from the government housing just a few blocks away, despite the spindles being far enough apart that a grown man could slip through. Essentially, I was in the epitome of a Florida neighborhood.

Upon arrival, I fetched one of the two adorable toy poodles and whisked them away to Ms Daisy. As we began the groom the sound of sirens blared in the distance. I took note, but the noise seemed to be fairly distant so my alarm was not raised. As I continued to shave the sirens grew and rapidly approached the street where we sat like ducks. Mentally I brushed it off, since I was in a gated community and parked right outside a client’s home. Then, just as I had assuaged my fears, the van was pelted with some short of flying debris. It couldn’t be hail, this is Florida and no rain was in sight. Then the sensational news stories I’d poisoned my mind with that morning flooded my brain. I snatched the poodle from the table and hit the deck of Ms Daisy to avoid what I feared may have been gunfire. Thoughts raced through my mind. I’m not meant to go his way! I’m supposed to be 80, well pickled, in Boca Raton wearing my glitter tennis shoes, a Dolly Parton wig while zipping around
in a scooter with a Hot Tati in my hand. I have to live long enough to humiliate my kids and grandkids!

While lying on the floor with this poodle, the cacophony of dings and pings continued. Convinced I
was meeting my maker, an odd noise arose; children screaming and giggling. Perhaps I had lost the few marbles that still rattled in my skull? Curiosity drove me to peer out my cabin window at the carnage I was certain was just outside Ms Daisy. Instantly I was horribly humiliated. There was a caravan of fire trucks, police cars and ambulances cruising down all the neighborhood avenues. And atop the fire engine lie the cruel culprit of my panic. A large, jolly, bearded delinquent stood, aka Santa, waving and throwing candy as he went. Apparently aim was not one of the fat man’s
strong points so Daisy was being pelted with sweets.

Slightly miffed I regained my composure and finished thegrooms. As I drove home, I was grateful
I’d survived my imaginary threat. Mobile groomers do face a certain amount of calculated risk. Essentially with new clients, we are going to complete stranger’s doorsteps and hoping that their intentions are strictly to have their pet serviced. That’s why if I ever get a bad vibe when I pull into a new client’s drive I simply refuse service. It’s not worth the risk and the world has too many wack-a-doos. In the name of safety, I always lock my van while grooming too. This is so no one can jump in a drive off with me in the back or open my door and accidently let out a pet or try to harm me. I have even installed a little, plastic, weather proof business card holder on the side my Ms Daisy. Above it is a sign that reads “DO NOT Knock on the van. For the safety of the groomer and pet please take a card and call.” So although the day had burst my ego a tad and made me feel like a
delusional moron, it did at least provide me with a reflection on my safety polices. Then I chuckled at what a ridiculous news story I’d have made…”Groomer violently beaten by Hershey kisses
and sweet tarts by an unknown jolly, robust man atop a fire engine.”

The High and Tight- Pet Styles to Make you Smile

The High and Tight, or shave down is a style that some groomers either refuse or dread. As a resident of Florida, where our temperatures can reach over 100 degrees and a mom that hates to vacuum, I can understand why this a choice of some owners. While not glamorous, there are some tricks and hints to get a smooth finish and a well blended head and tail.

Normally, when shaving a lab, beagle or any other dog with short course hair I make one pass prior to the bath. I figure the less to dry the better. Plus, if I do a good job with the first pass the second should just be more of a skimming to touch-up.

This first pass is normally done with #7 blade in reverse. If at all possible invest in a #7FW. The wider blade reduces the shave time drastically and the wider cutting spread makes an amazingly smooth finish. The shave normally begins at the base of the tail and ends at the occiput (the area right where the skull meets the neck); remember you are going in reverse.

Once the first pass is complete I bathe and dry the pet completely. This allows for second pass over the dog, and the ideal smooth finish that separates the professionals from the hobbyist groomer.

With the second pass I go with the grain of the coat with a #10 blade. Those handheld adjustable trimmers such as Laube’s Speed Feed or Wahl’s Bravara are ideal since the blade does not get hot and they leave a nice finish.

To blend the head I usually take a #2 comb attachment in reverse and then straight over the areas where the head meets the shave. Then I further blend with my thinning shears.

As for the tail, this really comes down to owner preference. Some want the tail left full and just the base blending into the shave. Others, want the tail trimmed more into proportion of the hairstyle (oh the dreaded raccoon tail). Make sure to inquire about this area prior to beginning the groom. Also, remember that if the tail is left to brush and de-shed it, since chances are the owner may have chosen a short hairstyle to alleviate shedding problems.

When I am done with the groom I make sure to card the coat lightly. This is normally done with a de-shed tool, and aids to remove some undercoat. We all know how wonderful they look as the shave grows out and the undercoat grows faster than the outer one. Taking the time to card afterwards helps reduce this problem.

 

A version of the High and Tight where mom wanted a Mohawk. I affectionately call it Dogzilla.

 

 

 

 

Sugar Plummed Christmas Letters

    As I quietly shift through mail and pay bills, I see it, and instantly a Grinch-like smirk paints my face.  It's my Great Aunt So and So's annual Christmas letter, the only manner of correspondence I've had with her for well over a decade.  This is her annual propaganda, to somehow make her year,whether it has been less than stellar or not, sound like Martha Stewart herself crafted it. I feel like I'm watching an episode of "Keeping Up Appearances" each time one crosses my path.  "It's not Ms. Bucket...it's pronounced "bouquet!" 

    However, ridiculous the elaborations are it does prove a good point.  Words and the manner in which you use them can be a powerful tool.  When telling a client that their beloved pet was less than cooperative,  I never directly say that their pet made me want to pull my hair out.  I use such fun terms as he did the Steve Wonder (throwing his head back and forth) or he was a little grumpy .  Parent's some how aren't overly excited to hear that their fur babies aren'tas perfect as they perceive them to be, so I soften the blow.  Even when speaking with clients, viaphone or in person, I make sure to have my "Zanex" voice....you know the one where every is wonderful,the sky is blue and there isn't a care in the world.  I want them to see me as cheerful, non-stressed and feel as if they have my complete focus.  It's all about perception and how you'd like your clients to view you and your business.

For example, and a little chuckle, here is my Christmas letter and below it the more direct version:

Dear Beloved Family and Friends,

Life on the Rupe Estate this past year has been amazing.  Charles, when he hasn't been embracing the great outdoors, continues to provide his skill and talent at Disney and the city of Orlando's building projects.  It has been such a sense of fulfillment to see each project come to life.  He works with a great team and without each other none of this would be possible.

As for the children, Lorna began her academic career in kindergarten this year and has adapted swiftly to her new surroundings.  Wesley entered the 2nd grade where he has truly excelled beyond our wildest expectations.  A true academic, he is participating in extracurricular math and enrichment courses.  We couldn't be more pleased!

As for myself, I continue to groom and act as a dutiful wife/mother.  When not travelling on business, I can be found writingone of my many literary endeavors. 

I hope your year was as blessed and wonderful as ours!   And we hope to see you soon.

The Rupe Family

THE REAL DEAL:

Dear Family, Friends and Acquaintances that I've been too busy to call or haven't corresponded with for the past few years,

Yes, we are still alive and dwelling ina trailer parked in the middle of nowhere.  When Charlie isn't out in the woods, looking like a transient and pretending to be Bear Grylls, he's slaving away as an electrician.  It's a lot of horrid hours and working conditions, but it's a job.  Plus, he's built up quite the repertoire of off color jokes, thanks to his fellow construction workers.

As for the kids, we still have both, since abuyer for the little one has not been located yet.  So far I've survived her starting kindergarten, with minimal calls from the teacher and no trips to the office.  As for her brother he started second grade, where apparently the boy who can't button his pants is a genius.  Thank god!  Because maybe when he grows up and makes millions, he can take care of his Mama.  Nerds always win out in the end!

As for myself, I've been insanely busy and probably developed an ulcer.  When I'm not grooming, I'm cooking, doing laundry and dishes, wiping noses, and attending to the man-child.  On the few occasions I manage to hide in my office and steal some quiet, I write sarcastic stories.

I'm sure you're year has been just and insane as mine, although you've sworn never to admit it.  Remember the kids have to turn 18 sometime and hopefully you'll be able to retire,

The Rupe Family 

The Fu Manchu- Pet Styles to Make You Smile

The Fu Manchu is technically the Miki breed “show” cut. What exactly is a Miki, you ask? Personally I believe it’s a Guinea pig with long hair and a hefty price tag. However if you ask Miki owners and breeders it’s either an ancient breed from Thailand or a concoction of breeder by the name of Micki Mackin in the late 1980’s.Whatever their origins be, when grooming these little 3 lb fur balls a smile always comes across my face. How can you not smirk when giving a Kung Fu hairstyle

The Fu Manchu does not need apply only to Miki. I have used it on shih tzu and yorkie type dogs that either the parents want something unique or the dog has a matted face. The hairstyle is fairly simple to achieve.

First the feet are cleaned in the same manner as one does with a poodle. I normally use a #10 on my Miki feet, but a #15 or a 5/8 toe would be fabulous as well. If doing it for a true Miki fanatic DO NOT shave the sanitary. For some unknown reason if a Miki is going the be shown then sanitary may not be shaved. Apparently dingle berries add to the confirmation of the animal.

After the feet have been properly shaved, I move to the head area. I have used everything for a #7 with the grain, a #7 rev or a #10 with the grain to achieve the look. It truly depends on owner preference. Also, take into account the coloring of the dog. If it is a white or apricot you may want to go with the #7 with the grain or a longer blade so that the head skin doesn’t appear too pink.

 

The head is very similar to a schnauzer. The trim goes from the area right in front of the eye back towards the body. The neck area is made into a V and stops right at the back of the ear. The top of the head is trimmed to the occiput. Leave the ears, beard and mustache.

The rest of the body is left flowing and long. If the owner is having trouble keeping the hair properly combed out you can de-bulk the coat with thinning shears

 

 

 

Stuffed Sausage

    Happy Thanksgiving to all my comrades in grooming!  Since today is all about family and tradition, I found it only fitting to share one of my favorite family tales with all of you today.  Like most great family stories, this one is always told after a few gin and tonics and a good helping of Laurence Welk, by my paternal grandfather.  My mother of course is in the corner,hand firmly planted on her forehead and silently doing hail Marys that nothing too "colorful" issues from his mouth in front of company.

    This tale, from what I can gather occurred sometimein the 50 or 60, on Thanksgiving.  Remember this is from a very well pickled narrator who like most grandparents likes to make everything "walking barefoot 3 miles in the snow both ways," if you get my drift.  Both my grandmother and him were planning a huge party for the occasion.  The guest list was well over 50, and included not only family and friends, but important co-workers from my grandfather's workplace.  They were running around the kitchen like chickens with their heads cut off.  Of course the large amount of guests dictated an equally monumental bird.  From pictures of this massive gobbler (this is the same year that my father and the turkey shared the same weight so a picture of the two side by side was a must for future embarrassment :)) I estimate it was close to15lbs...easy.

    Amoungst all the chaos of preparing for the party of the century was the family dog, Tanbark.  Tanbark was a chestnut dachshund and from all accounts basically a grouchy old man trapped in a dog's body.  He loved his family, but darn sure was going to let them know when things did not met his expectations from his throne/bed by the fireplace.  He was one of those dogs you couldn't help loving, but often questioned why?

    With Tanbark, annoyed by all the bustling, resting on his pillow, my grandmother started to set the food out on the back veranda dinning table.  She figured the guests would enjoy the beautiful weather and view of the downtown Ashland, KY and the Ohio river.  With the holiday spread laid out, she then turned her attention to greeting her guests.  As the guests arrived, the liquor began to flow and needless to say everyone was getting toasty and hungry. 

    Seeing that everyone's mouth's were salivating for this delicious feast, my grandfather made his way outside to start carving up his prized bird.  However, as he reached the veranda, a cacophony of expletives began to spew from his mouth.  There lying on top of the table, legs sprawled in all directions and unable to move was Tanbark and the remnants of the Thanksgiving feast.  The dachshund had devoured the 15lb turkey along with all the sides, with a pack full of guests in the main house.  How my grandfather let they dog leave with his life that day we never know!  I'm sure the thought of serving dachshund did cross his mind. Of course, the feast was ruined and they made due with whatever was in pantry.  Thank heavens for free flowing liquid dinner that curbed some of the disappointment. 

    Tanbark did live through his gorging unscathed.  Although, I've been told he was not fed for a few days after since he had rendered himself immobile from his gluttony.  So now each Thanksgiving when  we are stuffed to capacity we dwell on old Tanbark and sympathize with his plight.  Happy Thanksgiving!!

The Merengue - Pet Styles to Make you Smile PT 3

Poodles can be our best friend or our worst enemy. The are time consuming and there are so many patterns and styles that sometimes it can be daunting. However, no pattern is set in stone when pertaining to pets. In fact I like to mix pieces of each up and create something new, fun and functional for my clients.

The Merengue, as I dubbed it, is basically a shortened version of a New Yorker style pattern. The face and feet are cleaned with either a #10 or #15 blade. Then depending on owner preference the neck is shaved from the base of the skull to where it meets the body with whatever length you decided for the feet and face. If you want a little flavor, the base of the skull can be left with a V to form the back of the topknot. Shave the base of the tail as well with the same blade. I normally use two fingers at the base of the tail to determine how far to shave.

Once the desired areas have been shaved, take a comb attachment to the body. I like for pets anything from a #2 comb to a #0. This allows for some fluff , but not enough to matt easily. Leave the legs un– clipped. The reason the body is trimmed prior to placing the band, is so that when you go to shave in the band it’s easier to make straight lines. An abundance of coat can present a visual challenge and bog down a clipper, so it’s best de-bulk prior to placement.

With the body clipped to desired length, we then place the band from the last rib to the area just in front of the tuck up. Use the same blade as the face and feet. Try to make it as straight as possible with the clippers, but . then refine with scissors.

Of course this would not be a poodle without ample scissoring! This is where your skills as a groomer can be showcased. Since the legs were left during the clipper work, the must be scissored and blended into the pattern. Obviously the fuller the leg the more upkeep is required by the owner, so take that into account when determining the look desired. Bellbottoms can be a nice compromise since majority of the coat length is shorter, but still has a little pizzazz with the flare.

Other variations of this trim would be to shave the ears (great for pets that either have siblings that chew their ears or tend to matt them up), remove the body band or opt not to shave the neck. Essentially have fun and smile!