I recently have earned the title as Mi-ki groomer of greater Orlando, or so I have been told. What is a Mi-ki you may ask? In my opinion, it's a sweet and cute long-haired guinea pig. However, the pair of Mi-ki breeders I groom for are adamant that they a small breed of dog. Only about 2-3 pounds and considered very rare, these little pooches come at a hefty price tag. Each of their puppies can sold for $3,000-$5,000 each. So my client's concern at her recent appointment was completely understood.
Her little female had come into heat, but rather than flirt with her intended mate, she was infatuated with the neutered male. I had to smirk! Smart girl, wants all the fun without the complication. I guess she'd seen the other bitch Mi-ki's who already had a litter and had decided that enjoying her cute youthful figure was the ticket. I mean it's bad enough as a human mother dealing with effects of gravity and childbirth on our bodies. I can't imagine having a 6 pack of saggy boobs. Despite the humor I found in the situation, I tried to assuage my clients fears while I gathered up the 3 Mi-ki's (the bitch, stud, and the eunuch) and headed to Daisy.
I placed the trio into the tub and proceeded to bathe. As they marinated in shampoo I decided to multi-task. First I put on some tunes, in this case some Michael Buble'. If you don't know whom I speak of, he's basically an artist for those of us that are unwilling to come to terms that as we get older our taste in music is the same as our grandparents. In essence he is Sinatra, Dean Martin and all those wonderful crooners in a modern, slightly attractive package. Jamming out to my tunes, I proceeded to sanitize my surroundings and tools with my Faux Paws Clean Freak. I just love the lavender fragrance and the sense of relaxation and calm it promotes. Of course all this vigorious activity had made me slightly hot. Trying to cool the van off a little, I turned off one bank of lights, since the bulbs tend to put out a good deal of heat.
Figuring that the kids had marinated long enough, I turned around to rise them. As I faced the kids, a huge gasp escaped my lips. There was the little bitch Chelsea having a pornographic moment with her stud Max. I felt like a mom walking in on two teenagers. But as much as I wanted the awkard moment to stop, I didn't have the heart to tell their mom that I had broken up a union that she had been hoping to achieve for days. So I averted my eye and let them finish, but sudddenly a revelation came. OMG! I had set the stage for this tumble.....romantic music, calming scents and dim lights. I had turned my mobile grooming van into a cheap motel! All I needed was the quarter fed, vibrating bed.
Well, eventually I gained my composure, finished the grooms and took the babies back to their mother. Of course I informed her of their hanky panky, at which she was thrilled. "I guess you giving them a bath, was kind of like a hot tub, Hun." This statement of course only made me feel dirtier. Then her next words really threw me, "I guess you'll just have to come get our kids in the mood next time too." Of course I knew she was kidding, but still being thought of as a portable bordello was unsettling. But without missing a beat I retorted,"Well if there is a female puppy are you going to name her Daisy, since that is where she was conceived?"